Applying for a Job

I was up early this morning checking out the jobs on Craigslist because I've been writing a business plan for my new company AMExT LLC and I'm burnt out and broke and I could really use a short term gig. The Columbia University School of Continuing Education was looking for an Assistant Director of Web Communications which, although posted in the internet engineering jobs, is essentially an assistant nincompoop to another nincompoop who manages a Cold Fusion web site. Well, since they were prepared to pay $50,000 for this gig and it's in my neighborhood and I could do it drunk or in my sleep, I clicked over to the Columbia Human Resources site (with Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry reverberating in me brain, "Personnel? That's for assholes") and applied. I filled out their stupid little forms honestly and diligently. ("Have you ever been convicted of a crime?" was a pretty irrelevant question and, coming from that bastion of politcal correctness and moral cowardice, unintentionally funny. Oh, and for the record, "Yes.") I knew that the fact I had never managed a Cold Fusion web site might be an issue, but since using Cold Fusion is as easy and as mindless as using a Speak and Spell, I dutifully acknowleged my lack of experience. Hell, I wrote a content management program. Surely, Columbia University wouldn't hold a lack of Cold Fusion experience against me. That would be like holding membership in the Hitler Youth against a leader of a major religion.

Well, after I filled out the form, I checked my application status and saw that I did not meet the minimum requirements for the job. The HR system itself, without human intervention, took measure of me and found me lacking.

I was able to get over it. Barely.